Heal
by crestadeen
Summary: How is it possible to go on and leave the past behind? After Annie wins the 70th Hunger Games, she doesn't know how she could forget about all the things that happened in the arena. While she forecloses herself from the world, her childhood friend and mentor Finnick Odair, tries to free her from her demons. But this seems more difficult than expected.


This is a translation of my german fanfiction. English is not my native language, so I am sorry for any misspells or grammar faults! I hope you enjoy the first chapter. Please let me know what you think about it. :)

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**Annie**

_Water._

_It envelopes me like a tender embrace._

_It leads me like a supporting hand._

_It protects me from the spirits, which I cannot escape._

_When I'm in the water, it's easier for me to forget, what happened to me in the last few months._

_But I know when I'll emerge again, reality will suffocate me._

_I've often been told that I'm going to learn to forget someday. That it will get easier._

_But I can still hear them._

_The screams._

_I can still see it._

_The blood._

_I can still feel it._

_The pain._

_And whenever the world seems to overwhelm me, I just give up and dive._

It's only been a month, since I was crowned as the victor of the 70th Hunger Games. It seems to me as if it was yesterday, when President Snow put the crown with a cruel smile on my head. He said, that I can be relieved and proud of myself, because now I have survived it all. _How wrong he was._

My days and experiences in the arena haunt me until this day and probably always will. People, who have not experienced the same things as I have, claim that you eventually get over it someday. That you let go at some point and can leave all of this behind_. I don't believe them._

I'll never be in a position to do so. At least, I don't feel like it. One minute I'm fine, but in the next one everything breaks over me again. Then I remember everything and I simply wish, that all of this was just a terribly realistic nightmare. But it will never be this way. Because what I've seen, all this blood, the head of my district partner, which rolls over the grass… all of this is real. All of this really happened. And for me there is no way to make this all never happen.

Since I am back home, in District 4, nothing is like it used to be. Not only I changed. Also my entire environment did.

I no longer live in a humble fisherman's cottage near the coast. My new home is a huge house at the victors village of district 4. I live alone there. My parents abandoned me. They can't look into my eyes anymore without seeing me as the soulless killing machine I became in the arena. They judge me without really knowing, what lay behind my behavior: The will to survive. I only hooked up with the careers at the beginning to survive at least the battle at the cornucopia. I had to kill all these innocent children, so I could get back home. But my parents don't seem to understand that and probably will never forgive me.

I did not stay until the very end with the careers. As soon as all the weak tributes were dead, they started killing each other one by one. The first one to die was my fellow tribute from district 4. I can't remember his name. I don't want to. The memory of his decapitated body is enough to haunt me in my nightmares. The moment, when he lost his head, something inside me moved: Panic. I finally began to realize the seriousness of the games immediately took to flee. Of course they hunted me down. But I was hiding. They never found me. When there only were three of us left, the game makers flooded the arena. My opponents were drowned miserably while I survived. I was the best swimmer. Only this feature saved me. If it had come to an fight, I would probably not be here right now.

**Finnick**

I recognize her slender figure already from meter distance. A small part of me is looking forward to finally see her again. The other is afraid to find out, how well she is really feeling.

In the capitol, she was forced to play the happy victor of the 70th Hunger Games for everyone. But here, in district 4, she can be herself and that's what I am so scared of. I know, that it will be no longer the same. The games leave their wounds and they need plenty of time to really heal. Since it's only been a month since she won the games, I can hardly expect that she will throw herself smiling into my arms. I know that, because I have experienced all of this myself: survive and handle the hunger games. It took me months to get over everything I've been through. Annie is not like me. She's delicate and soft. All I can do is to be with her. Trying to drag her out of the hole the games left is hopeless.

My feet almost carry me automatically to her. Annie's gaze is directed out to the sea. She doesn't notice me.

"Hey, Annie" I sit down next to her. As always, she doesn't respond to me. She seems far away, so far away, that even if I am sitting right next to her, a terrible distance lays between us. I sigh and direct my attention also to the sea. It is just before sunset. The ever-shrinking sun on the horizon is reflected by the water and the waves look more like flames. A pair of seagulls circling high above our heads and seems to enjoy the view. It is wonderful to just listen to the sound of the see and watch the whole panorama during this hour. It calmed me down before. It still does, but I am too worried about Annie to really enjoy it. She seems so lifeless. It seems as if only her body would be present. Her mind seems to have vanished completely from her.

Annie has not spoken for weeks with me. Rather said, since we are back in District 4. I initially tried to talk with her. It tried to explain to her, that it doesn't help to try to deal with all the shock and grief on her own. That it will rip her internally. But not even these words made Annie open her mouth. It seems like I have lost her forever.

But I won't believe it. I won't allow it.

I will fight for her.


End file.
